Icy Tears And Deadly Stares
Monday 11 June 2018
Her Tears
Thursday 22 February 2018
Not My Master
You hurt me, not with your words
But with your eyes, staring at me
With such despise, that my body
Crinkled from the impact of the
Color of your angry eyes
You destroyed me, not with your mind
But with your hands, that use to love me
Close through the night, caring and kind
Turned dark, like night
I'm afraid of the dark now
You broke me, not my body
But my soul, leaving it a shattered mess
For somebody to pick up, piece by piece
Until they can put it back together
But it will never be the same
You made me hate, who I was
The girl I use to be, the innocence
Of my own soul laid ruin by the moments I spent being yours
Just to realize I was nothing but a pawn
In a game I couldn't win
I hated chess, too much confusion
Yet you played it with such strategy
I couldn't see the moves, that would
Ruin the very human I strived to be
Turning me into, the very person
I would kill with a gun
I looked in the mirror, who was I
You said I was yours, your beauty
Yet I was wrapped in chains
Unloving, my eyes bloodshot
Filled with tears.
You loved me right?
Then why did it hurt, when your
Fist came in contact with my skin
Forcing me to hit you in return
Because I couldn't control the
Reflex that hit me cold in the chest
Yet I was wrong, I hurt you
YOU hurt me, yet yours was justified
I was too loud, I spoke mean things
I WAS wrong, you were right
I'm sorry, please stop
Stay out of my head, stop hurting me
Stop yelling, stop screaming
Please leave me alone, get out
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
Breath in
Breath out
I'm going insane, your gone
Yet your tainted in my mind
I hear your voice, at random times
When I do something you wouldn't like
My body freezes, my mind rewinds
I think of your touch, it makes me scream
My voice goes silent, I'm all alone
You're hurting me, please stop
It's bruising, no I don't want to
I don't want to be this, I don't want to
Love like this
Hatred isn't love, I shouldn't hate to love you
I shouldn't be tainted like this
Your gone, you left, you walked
Yet you fight, you push, you crawl
Back into my brain with every shove
Trying to lay waste to the sane I have
Created with SOMEBODY else
Who showed me what LOVE
Actually was and your wrong
You didn't love me, you wanted me
You wanted me to stay yours
You wanted to control me
WE wanted control, we didn't
WANT LOVE and we didn't realize.
You darkened my soul, you changed
My mind and made me something
I loathed, to the point I almost killed her
I almost killed me, with a knife
With pills in a bottle, and a can of alchole
Hoping it could take away the life
You had created in such short time
The monster was inside me
You polluted me, I couldn't breath
Yet I fought my way out
I TOOK in fresh air, and I lived
Now I'm happy, yet your still there
In the back of my mind
Trying to ruin my life
But I will keep you caged, you lie
I can be free, I can be me
I will not be your puppet
Cause you are not my master.
Saturday 30 December 2017
Mother, Not A Mom
What did I do to
Deserve this torture
Your heartless world
Pouring into mine
Yet you act like a child
Stopping your feet when
The world doesn't bow
Down to your ankles
Your my mother but
The word mom doesn't
Apply too you
I wouldn't find you, I can't
Say I'm ashamed of you
Your my mother for fuck
Sakes
The way you live your life
I'm ashamed of your views
And how you dictate the
People around you into
Painful categories
Because I like woman just
As I like men, yet you told
Your 13 year old daughter
She's better of dead
But you'd disown me if
I explored the part of
Me I must ignore
To love you
For 18 years you raised me
Even if it felt like I raised
Myself because you were
Stuck in the past of the
Way you were raised.
Me mad? Why do you say shit like that?
Every daughter wants to here you say
Maybe I should die today
You want to kill yourself but its
A joke
On showing of my boobs because
You should flaunt want your mother
Gave you, yet hate me when I say
I rather wear this that covers
Greedy, yet your guilty of it so strongly
I took back a christmas present
To SUPPORT your family, because
Your trapped by the habit that
Hits your lips with nicotine
For only giving you the money owed
You wanted more and I said no
So you threatened to call the cops
On your daughter, for a present
You gave her, it was her choice
You expect me to be like you, yet tell
Me to be myself
I can NEVER please you, you find a
Way to mentally abuse my thoughts
Ypur mother telling you to count the calories
Yet your curvy, your gorgeous men will love
Those curves!
Your a whore, a slut for loosing your
Virginity so young
Had your first child as 13
Yet everything I do seems like
Hell is freezing over, you push your
Beliefs on me like I care about them
Yet you push them in the wrong
Allow family to call me a slut
Allow people to push me around
Until I fucking had enough
But your killing me, remember
When I first started cutting
You walked back out and ignored
What was happening because
Your views on depression are
Non-existent
Yet the title of a mom I cannot give you
I use to believe you'd change, but you
Broke every promise you ever made
I turned into a child you couldn't control
I'm sorry I cannot be your mold
Needs to control her painting
I broke free from the canvas
You were creating
I am YOUR child, but I am my OWN person
I'm sorry for your shame
I'm sorry for not being good enough
I'm sorry for calling you names
Yet the words tingling in my throat
Overpowering my mind in a instant
I was trying to make you see but
Your blinded by your stupidity
I am your daughter, You are my mother
But you'll never be a mom.
I wish I could make you happy
But your permanent scowl has taught me the truth
Your never happy unless its you
Unless everything falls to your ankles
And i willingly give my existence to you
I wish my words meant something today
I wish you could hear the cries inside my
Mind late at night while my boyfriend tells
Me I'll be alright.
Your verbal with last centuries
They are enternal scars that remain
You are my mother, You were there
When it was easy and ran when it mattered
I can't and I'm sorry
If you died I would miss you
I love you after alll
But you will never be my mom
Wednesday 13 December 2017
Within The Cages
voices that call out to me
while I'm sound asleep
demons, their claws gripping
my neck with a tight grasp
draining the oxygen from
my body like a straw
into my soul, filling me with
misery to feast upon
as there teeth expand to finish
me off
Still to the echoing words that
this monster inject me with,
through his claws that puncture
my bleeding kneck
my chest, the sound mimicking
drums at a fast pace speading
up as I get closer to my death
My air is back, I gulp in oxygen
like it's a second skin glued to mine
My eyes water, the pain I once felt
nothing but a nightmare
my neck like a tatoo, I didn't want
I look down to my hands as instanity
Climbs into my skin like vines from
a plant finding new soil to root in
a fly whose wing was broken feeding
me images of things that aren't real
My mouth is dry, my tears have died
I can't talk, my voice ripped away from
Me from the demon, whose claws are hands
Smirking at me in the distance
His voice like glass shattering in the wind
Like dragging your nail across a chalkboard
Your ears bleed from his voice, shivers up your spine
Your mind isn't safe from the demons within
They feast upon your words, your safety net
To take them away, and feast on your head
From the world you deny being apart of
You can run, but you can never hide
From the demons who sleep within