I strive for pain, I want happiness

They emptiness, The coldness

Are what I'm so use to

The never ending pain 

Is my best friend

I search for that small happiness

And then I push it away 

For the pain and suffering

It's what I strive for to feel pain

Because I can't get to close to that

Happiness

The world I do not belong

I will continue to ruin

My happiness to get my pain

To hurt and hate to smile and cry

Because I am not The world

And the world will not welcome me

Mystic Cover- Beneath the surface

The glowing water, calling your name

Beckoning you to come closer

Wanting you to see under the surface

But you can only see the surface

the beauty of it 

But underneath is dark and terrifying 

Like drowning again and again

The ugliness of the water 

The truth behind it's beauty

The lies it tries to cover

It wants Help

The water will kill you

But it wants you to drown in it

To accept it and not fight it

It needs your acceptance

Is it ugly, Is it beautiful

Is it old, Is it new

Is it untainted 

What do you believe?

Can you see beneath the surface

Or are you to scared 

To know the truth

Behind it's Mystic cover

The cold that can't be melted

The Cold icy wind, and the freezing air

Stops the time around you

You can breath, You can run

No more presure

You don't want to go there

You don't want to be remembered

You don't want to be judged

For the changes you have made

But that cold will only grow

It will continue to spread

Till your frozen and can't be melted

Time will continue without you

Because you can never stop it

The pain you feel will always be there

That none belonging feeling

No matter who you talk to

You'll always alone

No one knows how cold you are

Your slowly freezing

And it's getting worse

You need warmth

But who will listen

Who will care

Who will want to carry some of your cold

Is there such a person

Or will you become frozen in the cold

Your are burdened with