Sunday 4 December 2016

Broken Home

We all want to run away
When things aren't going as planned
When tears are near falling 
and your fists are clenched in anger

Or when your sister is crying 
because mom yelled at her
Or when the middle child gave up on life
because mother gave up on her
Or when the mother yells because nobody
does anything in the house
Yet me the oldest does everything along side
her boyfriend who puts up with
it all and nobody says nothing
for nothing is ever heard

even if you screamed
it's like you're mute
no words come out
nobody cares...

When you're the one cooking and feeding
your siblings because your mother
Uses here stroke as an excuse
to get by with her motherly duties

When you have school, and graduating
to worry about yet all you
do is slave over the sink cleaning dishes
that were already done

How can you smile when you're the mother
and the real one is to dedicated to her phone
texting one of many guys that want to 
"get with her"
Because she labeled herself as a slut
over one heartbreak

How can you ever be free when
all you do is work
How can you smile when
every time you try you hear your mother
say

"if I fall its your fault"
"if I die, you'll be fine without me"

It's like there is a clock inside
your brain going
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock 
ready to explode

So much time to wait
so little patience
So much anger, so little happiness
 How can you keep fighting

When you are constantly crying
in your boyfriends arms
cause your mom says you're
 not good enough

Cause you're jeans are too big
When nothing you do is good enough,
When asking for money is too much
When needing new clothes is impossible
because your other sisters 
are more important

So you're tired
You close your eyes
you'll never win
Maybe one day

You'll have you're own apartment
Your own family 
You're own happiness
Working toward a good life
not the prison you are
currently trapped in

Wednesday 27 July 2016

Shouldn't of existed

If I could erase the feeling of your skin
The taste of your lips
the way your eyes burn into mine
and the feeling of your chest beating against mine

If evey night I lay alone 
I could erase the memory of you being beside me
Every night until I close my eyes
I would

If my heart did numb in my chest
at the sound of your name
and my soul crush slowly with the feeling of
your lips on my neck

maybe I'd be okay

If I could forget your existence just for a second
Forget that we breath the same air
and walk down on the same earth
maybe my lungs wouldn't feel like they were gonna burst

If just for a minute I could go back and time
and take all the memories  you have given me
and burn them in a flame as big as the sky
I would

Because my love for you was like a diamond
I uncovered it when it looked like a rock
I polished it and made it look beautiful
but you threw it away like it wasn't 
worth enough

But now I cannot breath like I use too
now my heart is numb
my emotions are chaotic
but I will be alright

Because my acting
has grown beautifully
and my sin has became enchanting
I have learned to turn off
my everything

because of a love
that never should've existed


Sinful

 Silence
As your lips speak
Almost pure loving words
that make me happy inside

You think I believe those words
When I know your lips
Are just caked with sin

Because that is your title
It's in your job description
to build me up like a structure
and then watch me crumble
when i cannot be used anymore

Your words use to be my heaven
Making my my heart sore
Now your words are my hell
making blood bleed from my wrist

You were sinful
like a broken record skipping
You used to treat me like brand new
Now i am nothing but a used
rag unusable in your eyes

I thought I was worth the world
But your crushed it in your hands
Had me pinned inside a cage
Unable to move

When I broke free you laughed at my efforts
Told me I'd come back crying
But I didn't because 
Your sinful heart
wasn't good enough

For My Soul
My Body
Or
My Mind

Bipolar Love

Her Smiling Face across the room
He see's her bright like the sun
But he despises it
He speaks out the words he knows she hates

He follows her, knowing he can bruise
the depths of her soul
All her sad thoughts come flowing to her mind
Her heart races, speeding like a race car
She breaks into pieces
Slowly remembering

The times they laid naked together for hours
with smiling faces, looking cute
haunting her like a dream
or a nightmare

She remembered when she was happy
and his face brought a smile to her lips
But Now
A thought of him sends pains to her heart
and fear to her eyes

His voice sends chills down her spine
He gave up on her
Didn't want her anymore
Told her to end her life
She almost did...

The lines on her thighs
As she slowly counts them
As a tear forms in her eyes
Knowing He didn't give a shit

His fingers could text the most amazing shit
But her smiling face always sends him into
a bipolar spiral
And he blurts words so nasty
so un-pure 

He will never be the same guy
She once loved
He will never have her again
Like before
Because he cracked her soul
With his untasteful 
words

And Jealous Heart.

Unloved







His lips formed a trail down my neck
Like a flame burning on my skin
His fingers knew every inch 
every Imperfection and weakness that existed

But his eyes were cold and empty
like every time they laid naked together
His hands were like a past memory
his kisses like a knife killing her with insanity

Their hearts no longer pumped to the same rhythm 
The past relationship they shared was no longer
visible in the air

Her cries of pleaure weren't from love
His thrust inside her weren't him claiming her body 
with love anymore

Their love was dead, like a lost note in a piano piece
Her heart was numb
His mind was with some other girl
Who he desired more than her

But like she learned
she digged her nails into his back and screamed out his name
And like He did
He emptied his semen into her core
without a single thought claiming her once more

Then they separated, His eyes already on his phone
Smiling at whatever he was sent
And she dressed in her clothing, cleaned up the mess inside her
Waved him a goodbye as he smirked 
at her disheveled appearance

Acting like they didn't lay naked together
Walking separate ways to the new life
Alone
Until they laid naked together 
Unloved Once More