Underestimate

Nobody truly understands

My battles, the ones I try

Too win,  closing off the monsters

Living within

I am suicidal

But I don't want to die

But the thoughts plague me

And there's no where to hide

Did you hear me?

I DON'T want to die

Your so quick to assume

Thats I hate my life that bad

But in reality I just can't

Figure out how to fit in

My brain is like a clock

Batteries never running out

Ticking away all ours of the

Night, the sound driving me

Insane, but I can't turn it off

Even when my eyes are so heavy

And I feel like I might collaspe

My brain keeps going

Trying to win

But you don't see my struggle

Nobody does

They choose to live their life

Ignoring the people around them

Like a shadow, you know its there

But you pay it no mind

Have you ever asked how it

Feels late at night, while you

Stare at the ceiling and suddenly

The feeling haunts you crawling

Up your skin, line vines finding

A new place to grow

It's terrifying as you watch

The darkness surround you

Even the glare from the tv

Doesn't help you

My anxiety is like

Smoking choking me

From a fire nobody egnighted

Removing the oxygen from

My body, as my thoughts

Overrule my mind for second

My vision blurry

My boyfriend telling me

To breath, to calm down

That i'm okay and we'll get

Through this

That I won't wake up

Terrified because the dreams

I have aren't sugarland anymore

But ruled by monsters I face

In real life

That one day I'll be free

Have the apartment I always dreamed

The dreams that I voiced out

In words but everyone told me

Were hopless

I know its hopeless

For 18 year i never thought

I'd make it this far

Every birthday was a mark

I never cared for

So when you tell me

My path is empty

That I'm going nowhere in

Life

Your just adding to my struggles

I'm trying to damn well survive

Because midnight showers

Crying in a bath tub surrounded

By the demons repeating the

Cruel words you said until

I start crying, and screaming

"Shut UP! i know"

I believe them

I believe you

I know I'm a lost cause

I fear you.

My anxiety is who I am

If I loose the only thing

Thats helped me live

The creativity to the words I speak

The part of me that grew older

Than the age on my birth certificate

Maybe you'll listen

Or maybe you'll just continue

Being a robot to a society

That outcasts the different

Puts down the anxious

And kills of the depressed

Be strong or be dead

That's the life we live in