Can you guess Or Do you know?

Do you know the secret I hid

The one that leaves me screaming 

At night, pinned down 

By hands that lead to darkness

Dirty hands on my body

Never to be erased

Sick and twisted smile

That so many believed in

Nightmares taken over

The memories replayed 

Would they make you sick

To know what I’ve been through

To know that I’m a victim

Of something so cruel 

When I try to speak it

I can’t even breath

Threats against the ones I love

A loud yelling voice telling me

‘You belong to me’

I feel so sick when I look in the mirror

The poisonous touch tattooed 

To my skin, no matter how much

I scratch, cut and try to erase it

Forever carved into my skin

I look into the mirror

And I already know 

My past is jaded 

My heart weak 

I want to give up, I can’t do it anymore

A man in black, standing waiting

Do you know what that means

I fear him, the man in black

Like a sickening feeling

Sending me puking

Fear it’s runs through my veins

Taking over my body 

As I hide in the corner 

Pleading he’ll never return

When you look at me do 

You know what I have suffered

Do you see the pain hidden 

Behind my smile

When I flinch at loud voices 

Shake in the dark

Almost cry when cornered

Something happened but I never told

The fear of being judged

Of being laughed at 

Of being the victim that nobody sees the same

Do you see, I’m afraid

I want to come clean

But I can’t breath

I have nothing

I am nothing

You don’t know what I have suffered

You don’t know the evil I have faced

But if you did would you look at me the same or would you walk

Because I am tainted 

By something 

That you’ll never guess

Never understand

I’m something you’ll never want

Monsters And Secrets

Running from the monster

That will eat you while you sleep

Devouring our hopes and dreams

And leaving us with nightmares

Screaming with our lungs 

Crying with our eyes

We don't want to see 

The memories we ran 

From

The monsters make us weak

The voices make us crazy 

The hands make us 

Untouchable

We want yo speak to spread

The truth behind the nightmares

We do not want pity

The stares, The reactions

It's scary, we want to run

We fear, the judge-mental words

We hate the way they look at us 

When they want to say those

words we hate the most

They wont't want us 

They won't need us

They'll constantly judge us, watch us

Avoiding the subject like it might

Hurt us

I will not tell my secret

Of being handled like a toy

By a man who was a monster

Who I hate with my being

The one who tainted me with wrinkled hands

But that's a secret I will never te;;

For I do not deserve freedom

I'm a broken little girl

In a big girls body

Who stop believing in love and fairy tales

Because they don't exist 

You loved me, lied and Now I dream.

I told you a secret, you held me

in you arms 

I told you a lie and you looked deep,

inside my eyes and knew the truth

When I screamed for help

You heard

When I cried all alone you  took

my hand and let me breath

Your Kisses gave me life

Your hugs gave me reason

And you life was my purpose

Without you I had nothing 

You whispered those kind words

I never thought I could hear

You said you love, and for one I 

felt happiness

But then life got rough for you, and you

ran away from me

Your eyes that once held glory and light, slowly

Turned dark with hatred

You walked and never looked back

I pleaded for a explanation, a reason why

but none never came

I sat in disgrace, I felt the hate, 

The regret and pain

I couldn't understand why, you left

All I wanted was your love again

Out you looked away

I begged you not to leave me

But you laughed in my face

I cried myself to sleep and cut

The wrists I promised I never 

Would but Like the promises you broke

I broke mine

I had nothing to begin with, But

Then you gave me hope, And as a broken heart

You ripped it all away

And now I have nothing, But a tainted heart and Wrists

Memories that leave me crying,

And Pain that leaves me dying

The love I felt is so real, But

I cut to numb the pain, I look in the mirror in hatred

Knowing it's never good enough

The demons inside my head, Criticize me in every way

They tear apart my insides, And make me all alone

But nobody hears my silent screams

My cries for help all the time

Each cut I do, I let it Heal so

Nobody see's the pain I inflict 

But I am nothing but a broken soul

Wishing for you but to never have

I want love again but know it will never be

Love, Acceptance it's just a dream

And dreams never become reality

Let the darkness takeover my soul

What did I do

To you

To make you leave me

All alone inside 

The darkness of my own thoughts

I've been taken over by

The nightmare's inside my head

That make me afraid

To breath, to live

Each night get's harder

If I see your face, I'll crack

Why did you leave

When you were all I had

My trust is running thin

My mind going black

My heart cold as ice

Red is all I see

Danger

Help but no words come out

Scream but nobody hears

Crying but it's silent tears

Emptiness is all I feel

What Did it mean

When you said 'I love you'

Was it a lie, A simple trick to 

Win my heart

Was it all I lie

Your stupid, because I will

Never allow my heart to open

Never allow anybody to get to close

For I gave my heart

To you

Just to watch myself fall apart

When you left

I give up, the darkness can eat my soul

I give in, the monsters can have control

I can't anymore, the pain is just to much

I don't want to continue living somewhere

I just do not belong

Thank's for leaving

Your promises meant nothing

Tears are all I have know

Pain is all I know

I hate you

But even I know that's a lie

I love you

But It's better to lie

Than to eternally suffer

Knowing I was tricked

Again

Broken Me...

Slowly dying 

Nothing left

Empty and Lonely 

We Forget

Pain is All I feel

Because I am the wounded

The broken

The tainted, Tainted by something

I never had control of

I wish to erase the dark dirt

That has clouded my skin

Un-washable,  never to disappear

I want time to erase

My existence

I can't feel my heart it's cold

Love it died a long time ago

Blood I need more to fall

Laughter, was it ever real

Tear. I shed to many

Pain I feel it so much

What's the difference?

Do you understand I died

That innocent little girl

That never understood

The meaning of being

'Different'

I broke

I am nothing, a shell of who I once was

What do you see

When you look at me

Do you see?

Beauty?

Light?

Happiness?

Laughter?

Shyness?

Lies!

I filled your head with lies

I am nothing like that

Everything you see is the mask

I show to prove

I am okay

I am fine

That I am not broken

But inside

I am crying, I cut

I scream, I wish

I need, I crave

I break, I shake

I fear, I hate love

Because I am the broken

Little girl who was two 

Stupid

To understand the meaning behind

A favour

To blinded to realize

What HE really meant

To be tainted by his hands

It ways I can never forget

Happy I kept my virginity

Even tho my innocence 

is gone

Disgusted

Dirty

Tainted

Pained

Broken

Burden

Die

Die 

Die

I wish for it, but cannot have it

I need it, but will not achieve it

Because I am worthless

I am broken, simply Broken

Isn't it funny

I am the broken little girl

I will always be

The worthless broken

Empty

Useless

No man, nobody

Wants a broken me

I am a nobody

I am broken

Even the mirror cracks

Because I am

WORTHLESS!!!!!

Fear, That man

I'm not okay

I finally admit to it

I cannot sleep at night with

Waking in tears and sweat

Fear written on my face

Is he there inside my room

Ready to take advantage

Of me once again

To make me fear the darkness

Even more

Realization as he is not there

He cannot hurt me anymore

But fear has overwhelmed me 

taken me hostage

I don't know what to do anymore 

So I slide the blade carefully

over my wrist and watch the blood slowly

bubbly before sliding down my 

Arm dripping 

Red like hell

Pain and fear

Is all I feel when memories

Take over my mind

He is the source of my 

Suffering

The reason I continue to 

Die slowly inside

Freedom come with a price

But I will not give it

I will not give the one thing I treasure

To the man I fear the most

I will continue to suffer

At the hands of the memories

Even tho he's no where near me

The fear is tatoo'd to my skin

Like a reminder

I will never be loved

Nobody will ever care

I am alone

I am weak

I am a looser

So let me die already

Because I do not belong in this world

Because the fear of that

Man

Is it simple or Just a waste

It's so easy to act like were okay

To simply say 'I'm fine'

Nobody truly hears the questioning of

One's continence

The moment's when we fight

With the part of ourselves

That denies every feeling okay

When was that again

Do you remember the moment

When you cared?

When you were truly happy?

When betrayal wasn't real

And love was a dream

Do you understand that we 

Can never be fine

Because we constantly feel threatened

By jealousy and Self infatuation

We care about 

appearance instead of personality 

Money instead of Love

Popularity instead of Invisibility

We find the easy way out instead 

Of confronting the demons inside or

Heads that seems to tell us

The things we don't want to hear

But one day we will crumble

Because of the stupidity

Of not confronting the demons

That are inside our hearts